This place called love
by SpanishLily
Summary: AU. one-shot in Spanglish. Lost chances in the past give Emily a chance to come clean with Naomi once and for all. All reviews are very welcomed!


EMILY

Just two days ago I told Naomi about what had happened with Nadia a few months before coming back to Bristol. But what I couldn't do was confess to what had been happening to me with her from the first time we met.

But I am through with that…I am through with being such a chicken and so I decided that day was today. I could no longer wait for her to just figure it out on her own. I must make a move before I lose the chance I have long been waiting for.

"Hey, you want to meet up today after work?"

I was being brave, but it was easier to be brave via text message when I could hardly speak from being so nervous.

"Yup, if you want to… I get out at 5. Meet me at O'Reily's? I'll text Cook and the boys."

"Actually, why don't we go somewhere else…do you mind if we do?"

I hadn't really planned anything too well. Except I had planned something ever since it was 5:56 in the morning on a Monday and I had spent two days thinking through the last conversation I had with her.

"Where do you wanna go?"

I couldn't care less where we went. I just needed us to be alone. I had moved in with my parents after Uni. I had nowhere to take her. I just knew I had to take her somewhere. So I had to improvise.

"I'll pick you up."

I know she was suspicious. She knew something was going on with me because I had been acting weird over the phone and I had tried avoiding her pleas to get together with everyone all weekend long. But this was all nerve wrecking to me. I had just told Naomi that my boss Nadia and I had been having an on and off romance that had ended badly before I had to move back here to Bristol with my parents.

And all of it, everything was going so fast that I could hardly feel myself breath as I answered her text messages, frantically, without allowing myself to go back on the promise I had made to JJ to be true to myself.

"You have a car?...did your dad budge and loan you his van?"

"I borrowed the car from JJ. I wanted to get together and I didn't want you to bail out on me because of car issues, or whatever other issue we may have had last weekend… "

"Right, but I have my own car…"

"I know…but this way you couldn't say no…I am not wasting the gas and having Kieran and your mother blaming your friends for being freeloaders. You're not adding mileage; you are not doing anything that could put you at risk for saying no to my offer…you're coming with me!"

She couldn't refuse and she didn't.

Before we knew it was 5 and I was sitting in JJ's car waiting for Naoms. She tried complaining a little bit about the fact that she found it ridiculous that we had to take JJ's car when she had one of her own car parked right outside her work building.

"You know I don't think you and I have gone out alone together since I came back from Nicaragua…I don't even think I've ever seen you drive since I've been back, and frankly...knowing the way traffic gets during the holiday…I am a little freaked out."

I knew she was freaked out, and it wasn't exactly about my driving skills. But I let her ramble on. She was very cute when she rambled and then after a while her accent will get really thick and she'd start to switch from English into Spanish…for no apparent reason.

"Hey, don't go crazy with the Spanish…you know I am not at your level, yet."

"Sorry, force of habit…"

"It's alright, I know how easy it is to get used to something…and how hard it is to then let it go."

"Right" as she took the cigarette out of her mouth and threw it out the window as we came to a stop light.

I couldn't help but smile and stare at her for a few minutes.

_"Esa sonrisita me da miedo…"_ she said taking a sigh.

I loved looking at her that way because I knew she'd get so nervous that she could hardly speak. Lately, she'd taken switching right into Spanish, almost as if speaking this language calmed her thoughts.

But I couldn't blame her. After all, she had only been back for six weeks after living in Nicaragua for 3 years where she worked with the Peace Corps as a youth counselor but it had been as if she had lived there forever. At least it felt that way.

"You're such a chicken Naoms…don't you trust me?" I told her hitting the gas pedal slightly harder just to make her jump a little in her seat.

"I do when you're not being an arse" she said putting her seat belt on and crossing her arms, pretending to be furious with me.

"Oh c'mon Naoms, I was just kidding around…you know I would never do anything to cause you any harm."

"You know you should never make promises you couldn't keep."

And when she told me this, I asked myself how she did not know I was still completely head over heels smitten with her. I mean, c'mon…as if she hadn't ever noticed the way I looked at her ever since she'd been back from America. I wondered if she was really that clueless of or she just pretended to be just so that she didn't have to face what was happening. Again.

NAOMI

For a while into our trip now I had stopped listening and had just allowed her to ramble on as she usually did when we spent hours at the pub sitting side by side just talking while everybody else drank themselves silly. As I got closer to our destination, I started to become more and more nervous…to the point where I no longer heard what she was saying and just nodded politely as if I were really listening.

"I know you stopped listening like 20 minutes ago, Naoms…don't think I am an idiot." she said smiling.

"Tell me where it is we are going and why it is that you're so freaked out all of a sudden."

"I am not freaked out" she said as she stopped the car and tried not to look at me straight in the eyes.

But I knew something was going on. Maybe it had been a long time since I had moved to Managua and we hadn't seen one another. But I could read Emily like an open book. I always could.

"Then why won't you stop looking at that darn phone and look at me and tell me what we are doing here?"

So we both got out of the car walked side by side toward a place we hadn't been since we had seen each other last. It was supposed to be a surprise but she had ruined it by taking the wrong turn and ending up right in front of the lake where we had shared that moment I could never forget.

"You remember where we are?" she said scanning through the map on her smartphone.

"Do you think I'd ever forget?"

It was a place only we could go to. It was a place where we could be alone together without the world pressing for us to be adult, to be well, and to be perfect.

"It's been such a long time" she said shutting her phone and looking out to darkness of that small lake that we called our own.

I often went to that place, but only in my head. Only when we spent hours laughing at each other's jokes and making an excuse to call each other and keep on talking after everyone had gone home. That was our secret place. It was a place in our minds where we often escaped to…so being in this place wasn't really all too scary. The only difference was that as we walked, we both couldn't even breathe because this time we weren't walking into the place in our heads. This wasn't a fantasy, or a little world we had made up where we both would live. This place was a physical place. It was again a reality. It was the wind, the early night, the dust in our hair, the dirt that touched our feet. It was all too real, because it was finally our time to get real. There was no turning back.

EMILY

"What are we doing here?"

"It's a nice place where we could talk."

"What is there to talk about?"

I paused for a minute because I knew that this was going to be hard to say. It was going to be scary and I was just playing all my cards here. It was all on the line now and there was no looking back.

"This is the place where we got lost after getting really stoned that night of the camping trip with the whole gang with Fred's mushrooms."

"Yea, I remember" she said quietly.

"It was the day you kissed me"

We stayed quiet for a minute, almost as if we were both taken back to that moment and were suddenly reliving it in the back of our minds."

Until then I had had a crush on Naomi but had been way too chicken to confess or even try anything on her, even if I wanted to. I had been dying to kiss her. I had spent the entire night sitting in the campfire staring at her while she laughed at the way JJ and Thomas chased on another with sticks they'd set on fire. And then she had kissed me. In front of the entire gang, she had just suddenly move toward me and kissed me right in the lips and I hadn't been able to stop thinking of that kiss ever since.

And even afterward, the next morning when she told me that kiss had been because of the drugs and that we should remained friends I hadn't been able to get her out of her mind. I had decided to remain her friend, just because I needed to be near her while we were in college. I didn't want to scare her away. But right after college she had ran away from me and enrolled in the Peace Corps and had left me completely alone for 3 years. The worse 3 years of my entire life.

"Friends tell each other things. Right?" I said after a while of being in complete silence.

"Yea, I guess but…" she started to say before I pulled two of my finger on her lips and asked her to let me finish.

"They are there for one another…when one needs one, the other one is there…and vice versa…"

"mmhm…"

"Since I met you, you've been a great friend…always there to listen as much as you can…with what you have to give. I know it's not easy. "

"…"

"_Pero el problema es que…"_ I said taking a breath "I haven't told you everything. "

"You mean about you being gay?"

"Bi-sexual…"

"_Bueno_, that's what I meant…"

'Yea, but not just that…_tambien_…there are other things…"

She looked at me very freaked out.

"_Como que cosas_?

"Like things that happen and things that I should've told you a while back but that I've been just so…I don't know…so caught up in all other people and all other things around that I've used to excuse myself from not telling you…"

"_Me estas enrendando…no entiendo…"_

"_OK, mira_…I met you college and we always clicked right away and it was always awesome…But back then, 100 things were happening…there was Katie fighting with Effy over Freddy, there was you and Cook…there was me and…

"JJ" She said, not letting me finish the sentence.

"You know that thing with JJ wasn't serious…you know I never loved him…"

"You don't have to make excuses Emily, if you liked JJ…"

"But I didn't"

"Emily, we were 16, no one know who they like or who they love at that age…everyone is confused"

"Not everyone…I knew who I loved."

Suddenly she was just quiet she looked even more nervous than she did before.

"Emily, please don't start with this whole thing again…it's been 4 years…we've been able to be friends and you've been fine…"

"You've been in Nicaragua for 3 of those 4 years…and how do you know I've been fine?"

"You seemed fine when you were having an affair with Nadia"

"I left her Naomi…I left her as soon as I found out you were coming back home to Bristol. I left her for you."

NAOMI

"_Como asi?" _I asked a bit confused. Up to now Emily had only told me that Nadia and her had been having issues since the beginning of the relationship and I just assumed it was because of work. But what she was telling me now was much worse than I had anticipated.

"I think you're confusing things again, Emily. We are just friends…like we've always been."

"I am not" she said with a sad and scratchy voice. "We haven't just been friends Naomi. Since we both came back to Bristol…we…we spend all the time we possibly can together, we take cooking and gym classes until late in the evening …we do things that are ridiculously out of our way just to be with each other…we spend HOURS…I mean…HOURS in your car or in the pub talking about random things without wanting to leave one another's side…"

"Friends do that Emily…"

"More than friends do that Naomi…"

"I don't understand, are you trying to tell me that you think there's something going on between us two that I am completely unaware of? I said starting to feel completely breathless.

"I am not TRYING…I AM telling you…you and me…"she said, taking a breath."…I just…"

"Say it…"

"We are in love Naomi. We've always been in love."

EMILY

There was silence for a while. It was odd because with her and I there was never this much silence. And though it was only about a minute, it felt like eternal silence while I looked at her and she looked down almost about to explode…almost about to smack me in the face for saying something that moronic…

Suddenly, she grabbed her purse and walked back to the car…

"_A donde carajo vas?"_

"_No se…me voy a casa…tu estas…estas completamente loca…"_

"I am crazy? I AM CRAZY?"

"YES! YES you ARE crazy Emily… You and I…In love? Now just because you've tried out the gay thing with Nadia and you have a friend that you have chemistry with…_ahora eso_ constitutes being in love? _Estas completamente loca…"_

"I am not crazy…you're just a chicken…"

She stopped for a minute…turned around.

"A chicken?"

"Yes…A huge, 24 year old chicken who is too afraid of facing shit that has been going on since 2009 between us…"

"2009?"

"Summer of 2009, you are taking Art Appreciation and I am taking History and you find me joking around with JJ…_la cara que pusiste…"_

"Que cara puse?"

"You were jealous…"

"Jealous? She said, starting to walk back to the car. "_No me jodas_…now I was jelous! "

"_Si…estabas celosa_ because you were crazy about me and you couldn't stand that I would friggin' get with anyone else. You made fun of JJ and said he was a joke…then you asked me to take a course with you next term. "

"You wanted to take Religion and Film…"

"I had taken religion already…you made me take an extra religion because you wanted me to be with you. You wanted me nearby…"

"I wanted MY friend nearby Emily…I felt lonely and I wanted a friend…"

I ignored her completely and went on.

"Midway through the second summer session, I had been fighting Katie and I was in a bad mood and I didn't say hi to you the whole time I was there in class…you went outside afterward and I almost had to get on the floor in one knee for you to forgive me for not sitting next to you…"

"You were being a bitch to me!"

"I was upset with Katie…"

"You were ignoring me Emily…you were fucking ignoring me and that drove me insane. "

"Because you love me…"

She didn't say no…

"You are crazy_…estas loca."_

"Maybe…maybe…I AM crazy…this whole thing is making me nuts. It's been 4 years Naomi. I've been chasing you around for 4 years…giving you time to be a little more brave…sending you signals…looks and gestures and just about everything I possibly could…I am growing tired" I said, Looking down at the floor, frustrated "I am just about ready to give up on all this… And I don't want to…but I must move on."

There was silence for a moment. A moment in which I was looking down and so frustrated and starting to have my eyes water…and all I could do was close them and just believe for a minute. I am not even sure what it was I was supposed to believe in. Was I supposed to believe in God, or in miracles or in shooting stars…I was starting to believe maybe I was, in fact, seeing things where there were none. Maybe I was crazy like Naomi was telling me and I had just managed to ruin it all between and my best friend and I.

All of a sudden I felt her hand caressing my face and I could feel nothing but a rush of emotion hit my body as if a sudden whirlwind hits trees and helps the leaves rustle and fall into the ground…

She was kissing me and I did not know when. All I knew is that her kiss was so intense that I could hardly breathe. We could hardly breathe and I think we did not breathe all until we were pressed against the floor of that little place I had decided to make our own.

And thought it was all new, all that was going on was all the same that had always been. For despite all this passionate expression, the things we were now feeling we had been feeling since the day we met…we had felt them in silence and without action. What we felt now was a mere expression of the rush that we felt when our hands would slightly touch while we walked toward class together, while we looked at each other from afar or from close by…or simply when we felt one another's look for a moment, just to look away.

All this emotion was there and we both knew it. From the time we got in the car and from before we knew it. How could we be stupid enough to have waited this long…how could we had held all these feeling inside for so long that it was eating up our very souls.

Between kisses and caress, suddenly her semi-nude body was against mine and all I could feel was the sweet fragrance in her hair…the same one that had always driven me a little crazy. Having her scent so close that I could drown in it only made me smile and hold on tighter as I felt her lips making their way down my neck line. I have no idea how she knew what to do. But she knew how to do what I had spent hours dreaming about in my bedroom alone.

It was so wonderful how much she knew me. As if she had practiced moving her hand down my belly and finding how wet I got when she nibbled on my left ear…as if she had practiced it from the first day she looked me in the eyes and smiled at me.

How she did that, I was amazed…I still am amazed at how she knew exactly how to touch me and how to hold me. She knew each and every piece of my body as if she had memorized it from all those moments we spent together talking about everything except all that we were feeling. The moments we spend hiding in the secret places in our minds; so similar to this place that we had found years prior. This place that was so beautiful to look at paid no justice to the place we were right then…to a place she and I had lived inside our minds for almost four years past. This place called love.


End file.
